


Roommates

by Candy_A



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:20:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6865939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candy_A/pseuds/Candy_A
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just couldn't let the sixth season finale go without expanding the boys' hospital room conversation just a bit...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roommates

Danny lay there on the other side of the curtain listening to the inane dialogue of the soap opera Steve was watching. Steve had finally fallen silent, apparently giving up on continuing their conversation. That was fine with Danny. He was tired and sore and the move from ICU to the semi-private room he was now sharing with Steve had taken a lot out of him. He suspected it had worn Steve out, too, though he'd never admit that in so many words. It was nice to have such a roomful of visitors, too, but there's a reason they limit that in ICU, and as much as he loved being around Grace and Charlie, and their friends, he never understood that rule more clearly than he did now. He was just too weak to be a good host yet, though Steve seemed to come alive with all the attention.

Of course, Steve actually got the attention. And the flowers. And the cards. And the balloons. Danny sighed, regretting the deep breath as it hurt his incision. It was childish to care that he hadn't gotten anything, but it still hurt if he was being honest with himself. They didn't allow all that stuff in ICU, but as soon as they'd moved to the new room, he'd expected to get a couple things. Maybe a plant or something. Steve was the big star, and he coped with that. If Steve being the center of attention in most situations was going to unhinge Danny, he'd have walked out on their partnership years ago.

He heard movement that sounded like Steve shifting around and pressing the call button for the nurse.

"Are you okay?" Part of him didn't want to talk to the smug dick in the next bed, but he was worried about him if he was calling the nurse.

"Fine, why?"

"Sounded like you were pressing your call button."

"You've got ears like a hound, Daniel," Steve said, chuckling. "Yes, I pressed the button for the nurse. I just need a little help with something."

"It's a secret?" Danny persisted, pulling back the curtain now.

"And you accuse me of being a nosy control freak."

"And I stand by that."

Before Danny could continue, a young woman in scrubs came in response to the call.

"Could you move the flowers and the cards on that table over to Danny's side of the room?" Steve asked her.

"Of course," she replied, smiling. "You two certainly are popular," she added, beginning to migrate some of the flowers and cards over to Danny's barren side of the room.

"Sorry he bothered you," Danny said, smiling at her, "but don't bother." He shot a sour look at Steve that he hoped conveyed just how annoyed he was with the gesture. "I don't need your hand-me-down sympathy flowers."

"What? Danny, they're yours."

"Yeah, a bunch of second-hand pity flowers. I don't need them. Please, put them back on his side of the room," he said to the nurse, who stopped midway between the beds with two floral arrangements in her hands.

"Okay, you two want to settle this and I'll come back later?" she asked, smiling faintly, but her good humor seemed to be fading a bit.

"Just ignore him and put the flowers on his side of the room, please," Steve said. "I'm sorry about the confusion," he added, giving her one of his most charming smiles.

"Steven, I swear to God, I'll get up out of this bed and dump them on your bed if you move this crap over on my side of the room."

"Okay. I'm going to set these right here," the nurse finally said, setting the flowers in question on a counter that was neutral territory between the two sides of the room, under the TV.

"Just give him one of the cards, please. He obviously needs proof. Try the one on the bigger of the two bouquets."

"All right," she said, exasperated, plucking the card from the arrangement and delivering it to Danny. "I'll give you two a few minutes and stop by in a while to see where these go," she said, gesturing at the flowers with a little smile. After she left the room, Danny looked at the little card in his hand.

"I don't understand," Danny said, reading the card. "This is from my parents."

"That's what I was trying to tell you, Danny. I was just yanking your chain. At least half this stuff is yours."

"Why would you do that?" Danny asked, narrowing his eyes at Steve. The whole thing left him angry, but more so even than that, baffled. "What kind of a person does a thing like that?"

"It was a joke, that's all."

"A joke? Yeah, that's hilarious, Steve. Now all our friends think I'm some loser that nobody cares about, whether I live or die," he said, tossing the little card on the night stand.

"They knew. Half of them sent stuff to both of us. There are only a few of these things that are just mine, Danny. Most of it is for both of us, and then some of them are just yours."

Danny felt a lump in his throat, which he quickly convinced himself was the fault of the medication he was on. No matter what was causing it, he didn't trust his voice to say very much, so he kept it brief.

"Fuck you, Steven," he muttered, yanking the curtain across the space between them again.

"Must be your sense of humor was in your liver, because you obviously lost most of it somewhere along the way," Steve retorted. "It was a _joke_ , Danny. Come on."

Incensed by Steve's words and his insensitive remark, Danny jerked the curtain back again and pinned Steve with an angry look.

"Don't turn this around on me. You pull some kind of...of...bullshit on me and then it's my fault because I don't have a sense of humor. I'm sure this is what my parents had in mind when they sent me those flowers," he added sarcastically.

"I had your flowers hostage for what, an hour or so? Come on, Danny, it's not like I tossed them out. I just played a little joke on you. Everything's right here in the room. That's why I was asking the nurse to move your stuff over to your side of the room."

"Do what you want." It had taken a long time and a lot of aggravation to bring Danny to his saturation point with the stress and lack of communication with Steve. "Just leave me alone."

"You're seriously that upset about this?" Steve persisted. At Danny's silence, he fell silent, too. Then a few moments later, "I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just watch your soap opera and go to sleep."

"When the nurse comes back, she can move the stuff to your side."

"Sure, okay." Danny was still annoyed, but Steve was no stronger than he was; in fact, Steve was a little weaker than he was at the moment because of the traumatic nature of the injuries that had led him to need a liver transplant in the first place. He'd lost a lot of blood and almost died. Danny was mad at him, but he didn't want to damage his health over it by continuing to argue with him or seriously upset him.

The nurse did come back in a few minutes later, and moved the pieces that were Danny's to his side of the room, and put the items that were sent to both of them on the counter that Danny had come to think of as Switzerland...neutral territory. There were a half dozen floral arrangements and a small stack of cards just for him. It wasn't as much as Steve's haul, but it was respectable, especially since he was included on some other things with Steve. There were flowers from his parents, a plant with flowers in it from Charlie and Grace, some flowers with a little balloon in them from Amy and Billy Anemoa, cards from Mindy Shaw and Melissa, and a funny card from Eric with some woman in a bikini on it.

"Danny?" Steve's voice came from the other side of the curtain. Danny thought of faking being asleep, but Steve was as astute as he was at listening for movement, and he had been opening his cards just a few second earlier.

"Thought you were sleeping."

"No. Still awake."

"What do you want?" he asked, preferring that Steve be quiet and leave him to his thoughts, though his tone wasn't really angry.

You can't force someone to love you in a way that they don't. Or more than they do. You can spend six years of your life devoted to them and you can even give them part of your insides, literally, besides the parts of you that you figuratively give them because you love them. But you still can't force them to feel what they don't. Steve buying a ring and getting all goofy over proposing to Catherine should have been a clue that Danny was investing more of himself in all this than Steve ever would, but when she left, he'd conveniently laid that detail to rest.

"I was just kidding. I guess it was a stupid thing to do. I'm really sorry, man. Come on, Danny, I can't reach the curtain without pulling on my stitches. Just open the curtain, okay?"

"Why?" Danny asked, but he opened the curtain anyway.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want me to open the curtain?"

"I kind of like to look at someone when I'm talking to them. Since I'm taking to you and not going to Confession, I don't want a curtain between us."

"You said you were sorry. I said okay the first time."

"But it's not okay. I know you, Danno. It's not okay, that much I can tell." Steve was quiet a few seconds. "I don't know what to say."

"About what? We settled the flower thing."

"We didn't, really, because you still have a tone."

"Leave me alone, all right? I'm tired and I wanna be done with this conversation."

"Well, I don't. I wanna know what's eating you." Steve paused. "It's really huge and I don't know what to say, okay? What do you say to somebody who voluntarily cut their liver in half and handed you a piece of it?"

"Pass the ketchup," Danny muttered. Then he looked over at Steve, who momentarily looked horrified right before he burst out laughing, holding his incision. Danny chuckled, though he still felt melancholy, like something was lost between them and he couldn't get it back, even with a joke. Still, he was worried about putting Steve through too much stress. He still loved the insufferable asshole and didn't want to jeopardize his recovery. "I didn't really need an official thank you. I didn't do it for that reason...for the glory or the thanks." _Which is good, since apparently Governor Denning and his staff are glad Steve's alive judging by the huge arrangement of flowers from their office that are fit for a dignitary's funeral, but they obviously think magic fairies landed the plane and sewed up his trashed liver._ "You were dying, Steven. I think you know by now I wouldn't let that happen if I could do anything to stop it."

"Well, thanks. It's too late and not enough, but thank you, Danny."

"You're welcome."

"You want to watch the game?"

"I don't care. If you want to rest, just leave the stupid soap opera on. Besides, now I want to know if Nathan finds out the baby is his," he said, referring to the plot of the show.

"Yeah, I bet you'll be up all night over that one."

"I'm already stressing over it."

"It would have been a safer option to land that plane on the water," Steve said.

"Congratulations on figuring that one out, Mr. Navy SEAL. That's what they told me to do."

"But I probably would have died if you'd done that. I would have never made it, being dragged through the water to shore, assuming you could have done that depending on the conditions in the water."

"This might come as a surprise to you, but I really didn't want to make it through that alone. You piss me off and drive me insane, but I love you and I didn't want you to die."

"I love you, too, Danny." Steve sighed. "I wanted to say something on the plane, but I couldn't get the words out."

"You were practically bleeding out. I didn't expect much by way of conversation."

"You don't understand." Steve looked over at Danny. Danny wasn't looking at him, but he could sense the change in Steve's voice and the movement. He knew Steve's eyes were on him. So he stopped staring at the ceiling and looked at him. "I love you, Danny."

"Yeah, you said that. I love you, too." _You said the same thing to Lou Grover an hour or so ago. So what? You want a parade for saying it to me?_

"Well don't get mad at me for it."

"I'm not mad at you." _Yes, I am, you big jerk, for not loving me the way I want you to. And now, even the way you used to love me that was all mine...even that isn't mine anymore._

"It sounds like it."

"Sometimes...I just don't know where I fit in your life anymore," he said, the words coming out barely above a mumble. He hoped Steve either could hear them, or didn't hear them at all. Repeating it was unthinkable and Steve wouldn't let it go if he'd caught part of that but not all of it.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"No, you don't," Steve said, flinching at Danny's intense expression directed his way. "I don't understand."

"I used to be your partner, your second in command...now I don't know what the hell I am anymore."

"Being my second in command only matters if I'm not there, and I haven't been off work much lately. You've needed some time off for Charlie, to be with him and with Gracie, and you know I'm fine with that, but I still have to get the job done, Danno." Steve was quiet a moment, and then it seemed as if realization dawned. "You're not jealous, are you?"

"Jealous of what?"

"Look, Danny, Lou's a great guy and if you're off to be with the kids or something, he's good backup that probably won't get me killed, but I've only got one partner."

"Almost four years."

"What?"

"We were partners almost four years before you told me you loved me. You didn't say it a lot, or easily, but when you thought we were gonna die in that building, you said it."

"As I recall, I had to drag it out of you later."

"Because I don't say it easily, either. Got me in some trouble with Melissa."

"Is that why she hasn't been around much?"

"Let's just say I didn't solve our Valentine's Day dilemma by professing my love to her. She said it, I didn't, and...when it comes down to it, I really like her and she's a nice girl with a nice body and we have fun together, but I don't love her and I never really have."

"You could have told me that."

"I did. Well, kind of. You know things haven't been great between her and me lately."

"I know." Steve paused. "You're getting me off track here, Danno. Is it because of what Lou said, the whole 'I love you' thing? He said it...what was I supposed to say? 'Of course you love me, why wouldn't you?'"

"That could work," Danny replied, snorting.

"It's an 'I love you, man' kind of thing. Not an... _I love you_."

"What?" Danny looked at him, wondering if the painkillers and other major drugs Steve was on had finally made him go completely insane.

"Some people say 'I love you' real easily, like to all their friends. It's not the same thing." Steve rolled his eyes. "Trust me, Danny, you have no idea how _not_ the same it is," he concluded with a chuckle.

Danny mulled that over a moment. It almost sounded like Steve was implying that when he said it to Danny, it meant something...else.

"Danny...sometimes it's easier to just have some distance, when you can't be as close as you want."

"I don't understand. When have I ever not made you feel welcome at my house, in my life, with my kids...? I don't get you, Steven. I don't know what you want anymore."

"You haven't exactly lived a life of celibacy since you got to Hawaii."

"That's funny coming from you, since you've had a steady girlfriend the whole time I've known you, and even proposed to her. Besides, what do you care if I'm dating somebody?" If you do care, you need to say so. Please...care...

"When I decided to propose to Catherine, it was because...I'm tired of being alone and I wanted someone to share my life with. I have a lot of friends, Danny, but at the end of the day, I go home alone and I wake up alone and most nights I sleep alone. I went to the Army-Navy Academy and Anapolis alone. I had buddies and guys I fought side by side with, but a lot of the missions I went on, except for that last one...the one with Freddie...I was alone. I was in command, so I was alone for all intents and purposes. You're alone in your own skin when you're in charge."

"Maybe she'll be back one of these days. I mean, now you know why she left. Might not make you feel a whole lot better knowing she lied to you, but that doesn't mean it has to be over." _Why don't you ask me to have a conversation that rips what's left of my guts out, babe?_

"This isn't working." Steve eased himself into a sitting position, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Talking isn't solving anything, which it usually doesn't, which is why I prefer actions over words."

"What are you doing? If you have to go to the bathroom, you're supposed to get a nurse to take you."

"I don't have to pee, Danny. Well, actually, I kind of do, but that's not why I'm getting up." He made it to his feet and shuffled over to sit on the side of Danny's bed. He leaned forward a little. "Raise the head of the bed a little."

"What? Why? That hurts my side."

"It won't kill you. Just do it before I lose my nerve."

"For what?" Danny asked, but he raised the head of the bed anyway. Steve leaned forward, and before Danny realized what was happening, his mouth was on Danny's, kissing him. When it was over, which was fairly quickly, almost before Danny had time to react to it at all, he stared at Steve, nearly speechless. But not quite. "Was that a 'thanks for the liver, pal' kiss, or an 'I wanna bounce the bed with you as soon as it won't kill us both' kiss?"

"If you have to ask then I guess I didn't do it right."

"Try it again." Danny smiled, pulling on the front of Steve's hospital gown. They did, and this one lasted long enough, with enough tongue, to more clearly define what was going on.

"I love you, Danny. When I was dying, all I could think of was what we'd missed - "

Danny put his fingers over Steve's lips gently.

"We didn't miss anything, babe. We're right here, right now, and until the nurse comes back and catches you out of bed, we've got each other."

Steve smiled widely at that, and they kissed again. And again, until a nurse did appear in the door to give them their evening meds.

"You're not supposed to be out of bed by yourself yet, Steve," she said, smiling. She was an older woman, probably about the same age as their mothers, but with her graying hair and glasses and her smock with the little teddy bears in it, she looked more...motherly than their mothers did. "And you're certainly not supposed to be getting excited."

"Well, I did have to use the bathroom. I just stopped by to visit Danny on the way."

"Okay, boys, one at a time and we'll make bedtime bathroom stops," she said.

"Could this get any more embarrassing?" Danny said, laughing.

"Yeah, it could all be worse, Danno," he said, taking Danny's hand and kissing the back of it. "When I can go pee by myself, can we get married?"

"Are you serious?"

"Depends on the answer," Steve said, looking panicked. The nurse looked like she was holding her breath, but excited at the same time to be witnessing such a huge moment.

"Let's wait until we get released from the hospital, but after that, yeah, let's do it."

"Okay, now I can get some sleep," Steve said, releasing a breath, grinning at Danny before he stole another kiss.

"Well, congratulations, you two. The nurse on the last shift warned me you two fight like an old married couple, so I guess this was bound to happen," she said, guiding Steve by the arm toward the bathroom.

"You think we could get the beds moved a little closer?" Danny asked.

"You two aren't ready for that yet," she said.

"I just wanna hold hands with him," Steve said, still looking at Danny. "It'll help me sleep."

"Me, too," Danny chimed in.

"Good grief, this is worse than when my boys were little and tag-teamed me to get what they wanted." She sighed. "Just come along to the bathroom like a good boy, I'll see what I can do." The remark made Danny laugh.

"Laugh now, Danno. You're next."

Once they were settled for the night, TV droning, night meds kicking in, beds close together with the rails down on the sides so they could, indeed, hold hands, Steve yawned widely and closed his eyes, his head turned toward Danny. He still looked a little paler than usual, and Danny felt all his protective instincts kick in. Steve could be a big jerk sometimes, but he was _his_ big jerk, and underneath it all, there was something incredibly sweet and vulnerable that belonged only to Danny.

"Sweet dreams, babe."

"Not gonna be as good as the real thing," Steve said, squeezing his hand.

"We gotta get by on dreams for a few more weeks. But after that...look out," he added. Steve smiled at that as he dozed off to sleep, still holding onto Danny's hand.


End file.
